A hilarious letter from your belly fat, copied with permission from Craig Ballantyne. -CJ
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How’s it goin’! This is a letter from your ol’ pal, Belly Fat. We had a great run this summer, didn’t we? Lots of good times, great food, and plain ol’ sitting around eating too much.
Well, I’m thinking about sticking around another year if you don’t mind. But you might need to get a bigger pair of pants, as I was thinking about expanding my place down here.
So do me a favor, avoid that interval training you were thinking of doing. The last time you did that stuff, I nearly had to look for a new place to live. I felt like the Wicked Witch of the West in the land of Oz. Did you hear me yelling, “Help me, I’m melting!”?
Instead, stick to that slow cardio stuff. Sure I get a little sweaty, and the ol’ brain up there thinks it’s doing “a real fat burning workout“, but it’s never enough to melt me outta here.
Another thing, keep listening to those experts who say strength training doesn’t burn body fat. Since research shows they’re wrong, if you added strength training to your program, you’d practically need to throw me a going away party!
After each one of those superset workouts you tried last January it felt like someone lit a match under our collective butt. I was burning up down here!
But boy oh boy, I sure was glad you gave that up and went back to just lifting utensils and not dumbells. Otherwise we wouldn’t have been able to celebrate another summer together this year.
Sometimes I wonder, what did you ever do in college without me, your trusted belly fat? Back then, you were probably one of those people that couldn’t wait to get to the beach to show off your body, unlike these days.
Nope, stay in the shade and keep the cover-up clothes on, that’s the way to go now. Besides, its a lot closer to the cold beer and the BBQ when you’re sitting in the shade avoiding all the fun down on the beach.
Well, it sure was good catching up with you. I’m sure we’ll be in touch more often, as long as you stay away from that Turbulence Training workout routine.
Brings a tear to my eye whenever I even think about that workout program and all the belly fat it’s burned. Heck, it’s fried more fat than a short order cook at a roadside truckstop.
So again, if you want to keep your dear old belly around for another year and another summer, do NOT use Turbulence Training – otherwise, its all over pal, and you’ll never see me again.
Belly Fat says, “Don’t use this”
Your friend and spare tire,
P.S. – Seriously!
Don’t go near that Turbulence Training program unless you want to see me, Thunder Thighs, Manboobs, Jigg Lee Arm Fat, and Luv Handles pack our bags and hit the highway.
It will be a sad farewell, and you’d be stuck with ripped abs, gorgeous glutes, and toned arms, and you know how much attention those guys get from the opposite sex. Who needs it, I say.
P.P.S. – Don’t do what this guy and gal did.
They used Turbulence Training and look what happened to their belly fat. Now please go get me some more comfort food…
“Hi Craig – First, I LOVE your program. In just under two weeks, I have already started seeing definition – that has been my goal for as long as I have been working out (a LONG time). Keep up the GREAT work, and thanks!”
“I lost 14 pounds this month and the weight is just falling off me. My wife says I now look like when we first met and I still have more to go. I can fit into my old jeans again which is a big deal for me. I just cut back on starches and bread and do your routine 2-3 times a week. I never thought in a million years that just 10-20 minutes of weight training followed by some cardio would get me such steady results. I even cheat a bit on the weekends.”
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